Chapter Text
“LET ME GO, YOU INSANE, THREE-SIDED–...” His derisive shout was halted prematurely, while his eyes took in just what he was suddenly beholden to. “Whu-... What is this place?” His face creased with bewilderment, flitting over the details of the room as he tried to take a step forward, only to find his movements stopped short. Looking down, to discover a vibrant blue shackle clasped around one ankle. The sound of a disharmonic, stuttering glissando suddenly filled his skull - Sparking urgency in his movements, tugging and tugging, fruitlessly, utterly futile - That unmistakable, shrill, nasally, horrid voice soon accompanying the piano’s weeping.
“WE’LL ~ MEET AGAIN! DON’T KNOW WHERE ~ DON’T KNOW WHEE~EN!” From the brick flooring, the piano and its offender emerged in a ring of flickering blue flames. “OOH I KNOW WE’LL MEET AGAIN, SOME SUNN~NNNY DAAAAY~!” His eye was closed, like he held no apprehension, no fear. He supposed he had no need to be afraid - Not when he was currently enjoying the nectar of his carefully handgrown fruit.
Ford held no interest in letting him finish his solo.
“Where am I!” Ford shouted his question like a demand, taking on a defensive posture before the glowing demon, chest puffed in defiance.
“YOU'RE IN THE PENTHOUSE SUITE, BUDDY! THE TIP OF THE PYRAMID!” Bill turned to face Ford, martini glass swirling with an obscure, shimmering purple liquid, and snapped his fingers - An identical drink appearing in Ford's hand. “HAVE A DRINK! MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE!” Ford's eyes narrowed as he took a seat on the couch behind him - eyes glancing down at the hypnotic drink in his hand, while Bill himself took a sip from his own. “YOU KNOW THAT COUCH IS MADE FROM LIVING HUMAN SKIN?” Ford could feel something wettened and slick touch his leg, causing him to startle to his feet again, the moaning of the couch barely a fleeting thought in his head while he scrambled to back away; Martini glass falling and spilling its content to the floor.
It only took a moment for Ford to realize he'd left his vulnerable facet to Bill - Only a moment to flip himself around, only a moment to disregard Bill's obvious attempt at disturbing him, only a moment to glare at the demon with a three decade long hatred.
“Cut the games, Cipher!” Stanford gritted his teeth against each other. “If I'm still alive, you must want something from me!” He pointed an accusatory finger at the demon, who maintained his mask of comedy.
“AW! SHARP AS EVER, FORDSY!” Bill floated around Ford in a semicircle, hands clasping together in some mock form of adoration. “AS YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED, I RECENTLY HAD A M U L T I D I M E N S I O N A L M A K E O V E R” Suddenly, he gained more planes to his body - Spinning in place. “I CONTROL SPACE!” With a lift of his arms, Ford found himself and the furniture of the penthouse midair. “MATTER!” In an instant, his molecules were disassembled and reassembled, suddenly on the other side of the room, furniture swapped and shuffled around. He was closer to Bill now. “AND NOW THAT THAT DUMB BABY IS GONE, TIME ITSELF!” Bill wagged his finger in Ford's face, the bottom of his eyelid creasing.
“BUT I WASN'T ALWAYS THIS WAY.” He floated down towards the ground again - A snap of his fingers returned gravity to normal, furniture gingerly floating back down to their rightful places, while Ford dropped to the ground with a thud and a rattle of his chain. Ford bit back a groan of pain.
“YOU THINK THOSE CHAINS ARE TIGHT? IMAGINE LIVING IN THE SECOND DIMENSION.” Ford pushed himself to his feet again, while Bill continued to monologue. “FLAT MINDS, IN A FLAT WORLD, WITH FLAT DREAMS…” Stanford pressed his lips tight together, a scowl coming over him as he listened. As he- “I LIBERATED MY DIMENSION, STANFORD, AND I'M HERE TO LIBERATE YOURS! THERE'S JUST ONE HITCH!”
Bill's slitted pupil projected, in blue light, an aerial view of Gravity Falls. “AS IT TURNS OUT, MY WEIRDNESS CAN'T ESCAPE THE MAGICAL CONFINES OF THIS TOWN!” So as to demonstrate that, a dome appeared around the town - And a large depiction of Bill himself, trapped within it. “THERE'S SOMETHING KEEPING ME IN.”
“Incredible! Gravity falls’ natural law of weirdness magnetism… I studied this years ago!” Fascination outlined Ford's voice, his fingers finding his way to his chin. His barriers dropped, just for a moment.
“AND DIDYA FIND A WAY TO UNDO IT?”
“Of course! There's a simple equation that would collapse the barrier!” Ford's head tilted to the side, twirling his hand around in circles. It felt like he was back in his lab, excitedly explaining his recent discoveries to his muse, his sun. To the only being that understood him. No. No! Those times were long gone. “But I'd never tell you!”
“LISTEN, FORD. IF YOU JUST TELL ME THAT EQUATION, FINALLY YOUR DIMENSION WILL BE FREE!” Bill gestured grandly, his eye projection's fantasy growing in its grandeur. “ANYTHING WILL BE POSSIBLE!” His projector displayed him, marring the surface of the planet, destroying cities and towns. “I'LL REMAKE A FUN WORLD! A BETTER WORLD!” A disturbing visual of his eye, lids lined with teeth, taking a bite out of the earth. “A PARTY THAT NEVER ENDS WITH A HOST THAT NEVER DIES! NO MORE RESTRICTIONS! NO MORE LAWS! YOU'D BE ONE OF US!” He saw himself now, in Bill's projection. Himself. Lording over it all. How Bill wanted him. How he might've- “ALL POWERFUL! GREATER THAN ANYTHING YOU'VE IMAGINED!” Finally, the projection ended, like the blink of an eye. “AND ALL I NEED IS YOUR HELP!”
“You're mad if you think I'd help you.” Ford's balled fists white-knuckled, shaking slightly at his side. “You're insane.”
“AS INSANE AS THE DAY IS LONG, BUDDY! BUT WHO KNOWS, MAYBE I'LL WANT TO CHANGE THAT TOO!” Bill lounged back on his couch. “BUT, REALLY! WHO'S THE CRAZY ONE HERE? ME, OR THE GUY THAT JUST KEEPS SWALLOWING HIS DESIRES TIME AND TIME AGAIN? YOU'RE GONNA CHOKE ONE OF THESE DAYS YOU KNOW!”
Ford took a step back - Leaping to the defensive once more. “What are you trying to say, Cipher. I have no desire to help you, and I never will!”
“OH, BUT YOU DID! I GUESS THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT. THE PAST IS THE PAST, AND WHERE ARE WE NOW BUT IN THE PAST'S DISTANT DREAMS? I KNOW WHAT SWIMS AROUND INSIDE YOUR HEAD, FORD. I KNOW WHAT YOU HIDE AWAY. I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE ALWAYS TOO AFRAID TO TELL THAT HILLBILLY ABOUT, BACK WHEN YOU WERE COLLEGE BUDDIES, AND BACK WHEN YOU WERE WORKING ON THE PORTAL TOGETHER! I KNOW YOU, FORD! AND WE'RE JUST ALIKE, YOU AND ME!”
“We don't share a single similarity, Cipher.” He spat, backing up another step. Only for Bill to disappear - Reappearing behind him. Ford's heart rapped against his ribcage. He was certain Bill could hear it, like a sickening biogenetic drum.
“BUT WE DO! WE SHARE OH SO MUCH IN COMMON, FORDSY. LET'S QUIT WITH THE LYING, SHALL WE? TRUTH FOR A TRUTH, WHADDYA SAY?” Before Ford could retort, Bill continued, an arm wrapped around Ford's shoulder, his spare hand prodding at Stanford's chest. “THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE PLAYING MR. GALLANT AND CHIVALROUS IS BECAUSE YOU'RE SCARED OF YOUR OWN POTENTIAL! ADMIT IT!” He released Ford, spinning around and motioning grandly - to visions, memories he conjured. To bygone times and wounds sealed with duct tape, never healed, only hidden.
“YOU'RE SCARED OF WHAT YOU COULD DO IF YOU LET GO OF YOUR FAUX LEATHER HERO COSTUME. I'VE BEEN INSIDE YOUR MIND, SIXER, I KNOW EVERY DARK THOUGHT AND DESIRE THAT LURKS BEHIND ROTTING LOCKED DOORS AND IN DEGRADING TAPED UP BOXES. I KNOW HOW YOU THINK AND HOW YOU FEEL! YOU STILL RESENT STANLEY EVEN AFTER THIRTY YEARS, DON'T YOU?” An image of Stanley, standing before Ford's portal, book clutched in hand. “MAYBE CLOSER TO FORTY TWO, SINCE WE'RE BEING HONEST!” Stan, young, in highschool, standing in front of Ford's old project. Still sputtering out smoke, while Stanley ran from his own crime. “STILL RESENT YOUR PARENTS?” His father and his dear mother, stood before him and Stanley, disappointment in their eyes. “STILL HATE THE WORLD FOR HOW IT TREATED YOU TIME AND TIME AGAIN? HATE THEM FOR THE WAY THEY GLARED AT YOU ACROSS THE STREET?” A vision of himself, thirty years younger, and the shadows, stretching long behind him, and the eyes, the eyes he could never escape. “HOW THEY ALL SAW YOU? AS A FREAK? MAYBE EVEN AS A LAB RAT, AS A SUBJECT OF STUDY, AS A MADMAN? AS A FROG, KILLED ONLY TO BE DISSECTED AND THEN DISCARDED?” Men in lab coats, sterile white walls, the sickening scent of bleach, masked faces and gloved hands. Their muffled voices, the scrawling of their pens on paper. “I KNOW YOU, STANFORD! AND YOU KNOW YOURSELF, TOO. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU COULD DO, IF YOU JUST DROP THE GOODY TWO-SHOES ACT! KILL THE OTHER REINDEER ALREADY, STANFORD!"
There was uncomfortable honesty that hung between them. Somewhere in the middle of Bill's monologue, Ford had begun pacing back and forth as best his chain could let him, breathing growing labored, distressed by memories he had no wish to trudge through. The clanging and metallic dragging of the chain like a demented melody he played. “You don't know jack sh*t about me.” Sweat beaded at his forehead, each word felt tight in his throat. “You don't know anything, all you're doing is- Abusing the fact I let you into my mind in the first place. You're abusing what I let you know.” He swallowed thickly, forced down the snaking cacoethes that threatened to escape its cage.
“OH, FORDSY. I'M NOT ABUSING ANYTHING! I'M ONLY STATING THE O B V I O U S !” His voice boomed in the tiny, enclosed space, echoing with enough of a vibrato to make Ford's head feel like popping, a water balloon made of flesh and bone. “I HAD A NICE LONG TRIP AROUND EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOUR MEMORIES. I TOOK IT UPON MYSELF TO BREAK DOWN WHAT YOU TRIED TO BOARD UP! I SAW IT ALL FORD. YOU CAN'T LIE TO ME.” Bill's voice boomed, coming from all around Ford, from inside his head. “YOU WANT TO BURN THIS WORLD TO THE GROUND. MAYBE EVEN MORE THAN I DO! AND YET THAT TERRIFIES YOU. YOU MUZZLED YOURSELF INSTEAD OF EMBRACING IT, POOR OLD SOD! AND WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN YOU WERE FACED WITH THE CHOICE TO ENACT IT? OH, THAT'S RIGHT! YOU-”
“ENOUGH, CIPHER! ENOUGH!” Ford's voice cracked like a whip, his pacing, back and forth, to and fro, a frantic allemande done solo, and only growing quicker, more erratic. “Just STOP!” He flung a hand down violently, gnashing his teeth against one another, his jaw turning stiff. “You-” Ford started, and stopped. “You! You- You–” A shaking finger pointed at Bill, his mouth hanging open. Struggling to find the words, the lies he could spit, to absolve him of his guilt.
“I, I, I, I, I WHAT, STANFORD? HOWSABOUT, “YOU'RE RIGHT, BILL, YOU WERE ALWAYS RIGHT”, HUH? YOU KNOW I AM!”
“YOU'RE NOT!”
“I AM, STANFORD! YOU WANTED TO TEAR IT ALL DOWN LONG BEFORE I WAS A PASSING THOUGHT IN YOUR MIND! YOU WANTED TO MAKE THEM HURT, JUST LIKE THEY HURT YOU. JUST LIKE HOW THEY TRIED TO SNUFF OUT YOUR GENIUS, TO PULL YOUR BRAIN OUT OF YOUR SKULL TO STUDY AND PRESERVE!”
“That's- That's not the… That's not what I-” Ford's feet fell in place, eyes wide and brows furrowed. In a single smooth motion, he fell back onto the couch - Too occupied to even care about how it roared to life again. “You know that's not- It's-” Two hands against Ford's forehead, fingers entangling and gripping his hair with a wild force. “It's…”
“THEY NEVER WANTED YOU, FORD. AND WHEN THEY DID, IT WAS FOR THE SAKE OF THEIR OWN CURIOSITY. THEY FOUND A NEW, SPECIAL RAT TO RUN TESTS ON UNTIL IT WENT BELLY UP, AND THEY COULDN'T HELP THEMSELVES. ISN'T THAT RIGHT?”
“... Yes.” Ford's voice turned hard, his breathing still heavy, the muscles of his chest tired simply from hyperventilation.
“SO WHY TRY TO SAVE A WORLD THAT WOULDN'T RETURN THE FAVOR. THEY WON'T REGARD YOU AS SOME LEGENDARY HERO OF OLD, SIXER!”
“It's not about that!” He snapped.
“THEN WHAT IS IT? WHAT REASON DO YOU HAVE TO PLAY THEIR SACRIFICIAL KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR? WHAT REASON DO YOU HAVE TO SAVE THE FLOCK OF PITCHFORKS AND TORCHES IN THIS TOWN? ON THIS PLANET? SO THEY CAN POINT FINGERS AT YOU AGAIN? SO THEY CAN TREAT YOU LIKE A CIRCUS ANIMAL? SO YOU CAN GO BACK TO BEING CANNIBALIZED BY YOUR PEERS? SO YOU CAN GO BACK TO THE HECKLING AND THE SCREAMING, THE BLOODY NOSES AND THE GUNFIRE? SO YOU CAN GO BACK TO PUNCHING YOUR WALL TIL YOUR KNUCKLES BLED EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU WERE ALONE? WHAT DO YOU THINK LIES HERE, STANFORD!”
Ford's mouth remained sealed after that. His head hung low, fingernails digging into the sensitive skin of his scalp. His face felt hot. Not with anger, not with sorrow, but with a frigid hatred, a living paradox. Vaguely, he was aware of Bill slowly floating towards him.
“TELL ME. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE?” That final, instigating question was enough to push Ford into spontaneous, emotion driven motion.
“STOP TALKING ALREADY!” Ford shouted, swinging a six fingered fist at the demon, his hand only catching air as Bill's body formed a perfectly sized hole for it to fly straight through. His brickwork undoing itself and rebuilding a couple feet away from Ford.
Ford let his fist fall, colliding with the leather of the couch, mouth open, panting like a dog. Like the pet Bill surely viewed him as. “Just. Just stop talking.” He pressed a palm to his forehead. “Let- Let me think.” He sighed, hunched over himself.
“WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO THINK ABOUT? YOUR TRIPLE POINT MORALS? YOUR THEOPHILIC TENDENCIES? YOUR CRIMINAL RECORD, WHAT? WHAT IS IT?”
“My family.”
“... OH! OH, GREAT! MISTER SENTIMENTAL IS TALKING NOW. THAT'S IT? THAT'S ALL THAT'S TETHERING YOU TO THIS SPINNING ASTEROID?”
“It is.” Ford's voice took on a downright caustic slick. “If you expect me to give you the equation-”
“I EXPECT IT ALRIGHT! AND I EXPECT YOU'LL HAVE SOME PREDICTABLE CONDITION FOR GIVING IT TOO, WONTCHA FORDSY?”
“Let me finish speaking.” The venom he spat with each word was enough to kill an elephant twenty times over. Bill crossed his arms, narrowed his eye. But evidently, allowed Ford his time to talk. Ford took a deep breath, calming the raging rush of his blood and the virulent buzz of his nerves. He stared Bill down.
“If you expect me to give you the equation, then I expect one thing in return. One, singular guarantee, and I expect you to keep your word.” Ford's molars ground against each other. “You, your lackies, any of your madness, any of your weirdness, the destruction you directly or indirectly cause - None of it will do any more harm to my family. You don't get to hold them captive, you don't get to use them as ransom, they will never be pawns on your chessboard again, you don’t get to do any of that. That is my price for the equation. For our renewed- Alliance.” Ford stood up from the couch, pulling his leg away when a hot tongue wrapped itself around his ankle. He stretched his hand out in front of him. In front of Bill. “Do we have a deal, Bill.”
Bill blinked once. He floated stationary, before abruptly - bursting into laughter, downright hysterical, manic, elated and overflowing with pure schadenfreude. He braced his ‘stomach’, hand against whatever passed as a forehead for the demon, while he cackled, and cackled, and cackled. Ford's gaze was unblinking, unrelenting, even as his cachinnation drew to a close.
“OH! FORDSY, YOU CRACK ME UP!” He wiped a stray tear from the corner of his eye. “THAT'S IT? THE PRICE OF RULING YOUR UNIVERSE, AND IT'S KEEPING MY CLAWS OFF YOUR PRECIOUS FAMILY? OH! THAT IS DELECTABLE!”
“Do you accept or not.” Ford's glare of pure hate met with Bill's eye, creased by mirth. Hand still held out, for a single six fingered handshake. “I can always retract my offer.”
“YOU REALLY ARE MAD IF YOU THINK I'D TURN DOWN THAT KIND OF TRADE!” Bill rubbed his hands together briefly, before he shot one out, spindly hand coated in blue flames, to grasp Ford's hand - Engulfing their forearms together, caressing and licking at the flesh, oh so playfully. Ford's own personal pit of hell, setting their deal in stone. Cementing Ford's betrayal. A puff of air left his nostrils.
“Guess that makes us a pair of smoking aces.” He remarked, voice flat.
“HAH! MORE LIKE THE KING AND HIS JOKER!” Bill released Ford's hand, and floated around him a few times, quick and jittery. “FORDSY! YOU CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO FATHOM HOW DELIGHTED I AM!” He wrapped an arm around Ford's neck a few times, halting his orbit around the man. “IT'S LIKE YOU JUST PROPOSED! AND I DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO RESORT TO ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY! OH JOY! YOU'VE MADE ME THE HAPPIEST DEMON IN THE ENTIRE MULTIVERSE!” His arm tightened and tightened from his boiling excitement, like a noose custom fit for Ford's neck.
“Do you want the equation, or would you rather continue being a flithy hypocrite uninterrupted?” Ford's question shot his malformed ideas down like a bullet.
“DON'T BE SO MEAN FORDSY! OUR HONEYMOON WILL BE TO DIE FOR! MAYBE A VISIT TO SATURN AND HIS CHILDREN?” And yet, Bill continued on with his quixotic rambling. “OH! WHAT ABOUT A NICE TRIP AROUND SAGITTARIUS A*? OR A VACATION TO BOÖTES VOID! BUT IF THAT ISN'T TO YOUR FANCY-”
“Bill.” Ford's voice grew threatening, irritated.
“FINE, FINE. MARRIAGE PLANS LATER! DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS GETTING ENGAGED TO SUCH A BUSINESS ORIENTED GUY!” Bill released Ford's neck, floating away and repositioning himself in the space before the fireplace. “NOW!” He made a wide gesture with his hands. “WHAT KIND OF EQUATION DID THAT GENIUS MIND OF YOURS COOK UP, SIXER?”
Ford's frown deepened, inhaling a breath of stagnant air. He began to recite from memory, exactly what he'd calculated all those years ago. What felt like centuries, millennia even. The beginning of his world's demise. The end of what little morals he clung to.
The genesis of a new reality.
